update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
