last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
