I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize