I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
