At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Where is the hickey?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
