my vag is so smooth its legendary
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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