I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
