How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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