ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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