If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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