my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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