he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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