Its about making memories worth repressing
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
