So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
