party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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