and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
