Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
