I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
