its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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