Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

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  (630): If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus. http://tfl.nu/iii0
  Replies (15) Good night (1562) Bad night (5384)
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  (530): View more from California

  If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...

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  (530): If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good... http://tfl.nu/ucmp
  Replies (14) Good night (2183) Bad night (3040)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.

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  (902): I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother. http://tfl.nu/s7ce
  Replies (7) Good night (4356) Bad night (1036)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I will never swim in a flooded basement again..

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  (217): I will never swim in a flooded basement again.. http://tfl.nu/1bcg
  Replies (7) Good night (1578) Bad night (2946)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice

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  (336): If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice http://tfl.nu/pivk
  Replies (8) Good night (3670) Bad night (770)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."

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  (603): U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite." http://tfl.nu/bn94
  Replies (6) Good night (3787) Bad night (785)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face

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  (606): I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face http://tfl.nu/ob2s
  Replies (5) Good night (1250) Bad night (2275)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it

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  (250): Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it http://tfl.nu/v02x
  Replies (11) Good night (832) Bad night (2019)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.

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  (601): Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm. http://tfl.nu/epij
  Replies (7) Good night (1006) Bad night (472)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.

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  (319): You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/1rw7
  Replies (5) Good night (1327) Bad night (780)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight

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  (214): Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight http://tfl.nu/391k
  Replies (5) Good night (937) Bad night (389)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!

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  (832): I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM! http://tfl.nu/isug
  Replies (3) Good night (637) Bad night (315)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.

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  (785): Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle. http://tfl.nu/joqk
  Replies (0) Good night (465) Bad night (239)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.

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  (604): He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween. http://tfl.nu/lx69
  Replies (0) Good night (327) Bad night (485)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".

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  (361): Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form". http://tfl.nu/gv3w
  Replies (3) Good night (307) Bad night (478)

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