Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

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  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
  Replies (12) Good night (7357) Bad night (758)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.

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  (512): If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch. http://tfl.nu/hocy
  Replies (39) Good night (1078) Bad night (1822)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?

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  (773): If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk? http://tfl.nu/beic
  Replies (34) Good night (3432) Bad night (895)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?

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  (832): it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right? http://tfl.nu/a8lp
  Replies (25) Good night (3751) Bad night (685)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

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  (248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win. http://tfl.nu/almv
  Replies (47) Good night (22372) Bad night (1094)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?

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  (973): He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass' (973): Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic. (229): Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom? http://tfl.nu/xp9a
  Replies (9) Good night (4079) Bad night (957)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.

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  (260): I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops. http://tfl.nu/sp9a
  Replies (10) Good night (5856) Bad night (946)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears

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  (717): It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears http://tfl.nu/xih7
  Replies (19) Good night (5018) Bad night (708)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...

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  (843): he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house... http://tfl.nu/3q6f
  Replies (6) Good night (1944) Bad night (520)
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  (805): View more from California

  You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!

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  (805): You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius! http://tfl.nu/013j
  Replies (6) Good night (801) Bad night (1470)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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  (814): The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain. http://tfl.nu/8v87
  Replies (1) Good night (1038) Bad night (389)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow

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  (787): You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow http://tfl.nu/nndh
  Replies (5) Good night (1198) Bad night (322)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?

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  (203): Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013? http://tfl.nu/6zdp
  Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (451)
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  (209): View more from California

  My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.

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  (209): My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it. http://tfl.nu/53yn
  Replies (2) Good night (328) Bad night (623)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.

  (1-903): View more from Texas

  Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.

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  (903): Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped. (1-903): Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good. http://tfl.nu/iolm
  Replies (8) Good night (1663) Bad night (275)

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