Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
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If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny