i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.