So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life