Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
