Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
