i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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