38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
