see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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