I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
