please come you make the beer taste better
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
