He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
