hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
