we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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