he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
