After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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