Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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