i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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