Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
