Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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