At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
