i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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