Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
