I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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