I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
