Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
