your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
