I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
