As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
