so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
