I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
