whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
