Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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