Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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