Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had sex on a roof
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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