Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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