My first STD was from a foam party
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
