I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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