I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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