We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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