we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
