Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
