I wish my penis had an off switch
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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