Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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