if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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