Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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