Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
