There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
