whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize