my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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