I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
