I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
