I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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