Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
