I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
